Hi Peter
PPE > will add “Note: In this document, ‘xTR’ is used inclusively to refer to ITRs, ETRs, and RTRs, as required by context.”
Page 6, section 5, 2nd list item, 4th sentence: this sentence is predicated on
the L-bit being set, in which case the RLOC is x’, not x. Yet the rest of the
list items use x, not x’, which is never used again. While the rest of the list
items could be inferred to refer to x’ instead of x, this isn’t so clear.
PPE> How about this to make it clearer?
“If the L-bit is set, the ITR performs a mapping system lookup on EID ‘x’ to obtain an RLOC, call it x′. Subsequent behaviors are based on RLOC x′.”
Page 15, section 11, last sentence: is the indication of a loop a security
problem or a configuration problem?
PPE> will add something like the following “Loop detection is considered a configuration issue, not a security vulnerability in the context of this draft.”
Nits/editorial comments:
Thank you for your thorough review and greatly appreciate your perspective.
We have gone carefully over all your comments and given below proposed text to address your comments. See below PPE.
Thanks
Padma (and on behalf of all authors)
Minor Issues:
Page 6, section 5, 1st paragraph: the sentence says the ELP represents the list
of RTRs, yet it also contains an ETR at the end. Thus, the ELP represents more
than just RTRs. Perhaps changing “represents” to “provides” would do the trick?
Even then, this would contradict the definition of ELP in section 3, which
calls it a list of RTRs and doesn’t say it includes the ETR.
of RTRs, yet it also contains an ETR at the end. Thus, the ELP represents more
than just RTRs. Perhaps changing “represents” to “provides” would do the trick?
Even then, this would contradict the definition of ELP in section 3, which
calls it a list of RTRs and doesn’t say it includes the ETR.
PPE > OK will change
Original: “The ELP represents an explicit list of RTRs...”
Revised: “The ELP provides an explicit list of RTRs and the final destination ETR...”
Original: “The ELP represents an explicit list of RTRs...”
Revised: “The ELP provides an explicit list of RTRs and the final destination ETR...”
Page 6, section 5, 2nd list item, 2nd sentence: the use of xTRs here seems to
be an expansion of the definition of xTR as given in RFC 9300 so that it now
includes RTRs. That’s fine, but it would be good to highlight the override of
the definition here.
be an expansion of the definition of xTR as given in RFC 9300 so that it now
includes RTRs. That’s fine, but it would be good to highlight the override of
the definition here.
PPE > will add “Note: In this document, ‘xTR’ is used inclusively to refer to ITRs, ETRs, and RTRs, as required by context.”
Page 6, section 5, 2nd list item, 4th sentence: this sentence is predicated on
the L-bit being set, in which case the RLOC is x’, not x. Yet the rest of the
list items use x, not x’, which is never used again. While the rest of the list
items could be inferred to refer to x’ instead of x, this isn’t so clear.
PPE> How about this to make it clearer?
“If the L-bit is set, the ITR performs a mapping system lookup on EID ‘x’ to obtain an RLOC, call it x′. Subsequent behaviors are based on RLOC x′.”
Page 15, section 11, last sentence: is the indication of a loop a security
problem or a configuration problem?
PPE> will add something like the following “Loop detection is considered a configuration issue, not a security vulnerability in the context of this draft.”
Nits/editorial comments:
PPE> Agree to all below will fix in next iteration
General:
Capitalize uses of “ipv6” as “IPv6”.
Specific:
Page 3, section 2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: expand the initialisms “ITR”
and “ETR” here as this is their first use in the document.
Page 5, 1st paragraph, second sentence. Terminate the sentence with a period
after “B-->C”. Capitalize the following “one” to start a new sentence. Add
spaces after the individual elements in the list “(X,Y,etr)” for consistency
with most other uses in the draft.
Page 6, section 5, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “which” before
“represents”.
Page 7, 2nd to last paragraph, last sentence: expand “SDN” as this initialism
is not marked as well-known in the RFC Editor’s acronym list.
Page 8, section 5.1, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change “a” to “an” before
“RLOC”.
Page 8, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “a” to “an” before
“ELP-based”.
Page 8, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: consider changing the “to”
before “a private mapping” to “via”.
Page 9, 1st partial paragraph, 1st partial sentence: insert “as” before “the
last”. Move “instead” from before “RTR ‘x’” to after as this just reads better
to me.
Page 9, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “may want to” to
“could”. I don’t think paths have wants.
Page 9, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after
“congested”. Change “where” to “whereas”.
Page 9, section 5.3, last paragraph: insert “a” before “different”.
Page 10, 1st text paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after “)” and before
“that”.
Page 10, 2nd text paragraph, delete the extraneous space before the final colon.
Page 11, section 6, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: change “a” to “an” before
“RLOC”. Delete the comma.
Page 11, section 8, 3rd sentence: change “to” to “in” before “the mapping
database”.
Page 11, section 8, 6th sentence: change “which” to “the latter”. Append a
comma after “RTR”. Append “them” after “encapsulates”.
Page 12, section 9, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “proxy ITR” to
“Proxy-ITR” and “proxy ETR” to “Proxy-ETR” to match RFC 9300 usage.
Page 12, section 9, 2nd paragraph: change “address-family” to “address family”
in two places.
Page 12, section 9, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: change “are” to “is”.
Page 12, section 9, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: consider changing “stretch”
to “expansion”. I couldn’t find much usage of the term “packet stretch”.
Page 12, section 9, 2nd bullet item: change “EID-prefixes” to “EID-Prefixes”.
Page 13, 1st bullet item: change “RLOC-probing” to “RLOC-Probing”.
Page 13, section 10, 2nd paragraph: append “that” after “Note”.
Page 13, section 10, 1st paragraph after the bullet items: prepend a space
before “G”. Consider changing “a” before the resulting “(S-EID, G”) to “an”
depending on how this tuple is read aloud.
Page 14, 1st paragraph, second sentence: append a comma after “That is”.
Page 20, Michael Kowal entry: change “cisco” to “Cisco”.
Page 20, Parantap Lahiri entry: change “Ebay” to “eBay”.
Capitalize uses of “ipv6” as “IPv6”.
Specific:
Page 3, section 2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: expand the initialisms “ITR”
and “ETR” here as this is their first use in the document.
Page 5, 1st paragraph, second sentence. Terminate the sentence with a period
after “B-->C”. Capitalize the following “one” to start a new sentence. Add
spaces after the individual elements in the list “(X,Y,etr)” for consistency
with most other uses in the draft.
Page 6, section 5, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “which” before
“represents”.
Page 7, 2nd to last paragraph, last sentence: expand “SDN” as this initialism
is not marked as well-known in the RFC Editor’s acronym list.
Page 8, section 5.1, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change “a” to “an” before
“RLOC”.
Page 8, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “a” to “an” before
“ELP-based”.
Page 8, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: consider changing the “to”
before “a private mapping” to “via”.
Page 9, 1st partial paragraph, 1st partial sentence: insert “as” before “the
last”. Move “instead” from before “RTR ‘x’” to after as this just reads better
to me.
Page 9, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “may want to” to
“could”. I don’t think paths have wants.
Page 9, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after
“congested”. Change “where” to “whereas”.
Page 9, section 5.3, last paragraph: insert “a” before “different”.
Page 10, 1st text paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after “)” and before
“that”.
Page 10, 2nd text paragraph, delete the extraneous space before the final colon.
Page 11, section 6, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: change “a” to “an” before
“RLOC”. Delete the comma.
Page 11, section 8, 3rd sentence: change “to” to “in” before “the mapping
database”.
Page 11, section 8, 6th sentence: change “which” to “the latter”. Append a
comma after “RTR”. Append “them” after “encapsulates”.
Page 12, section 9, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “proxy ITR” to
“Proxy-ITR” and “proxy ETR” to “Proxy-ETR” to match RFC 9300 usage.
Page 12, section 9, 2nd paragraph: change “address-family” to “address family”
in two places.
Page 12, section 9, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: change “are” to “is”.
Page 12, section 9, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: consider changing “stretch”
to “expansion”. I couldn’t find much usage of the term “packet stretch”.
Page 12, section 9, 2nd bullet item: change “EID-prefixes” to “EID-Prefixes”.
Page 13, 1st bullet item: change “RLOC-probing” to “RLOC-Probing”.
Page 13, section 10, 2nd paragraph: append “that” after “Note”.
Page 13, section 10, 1st paragraph after the bullet items: prepend a space
before “G”. Consider changing “a” before the resulting “(S-EID, G”) to “an”
depending on how this tuple is read aloud.
Page 14, 1st paragraph, second sentence: append a comma after “That is”.
Page 20, Michael Kowal entry: change “cisco” to “Cisco”.
Page 20, Parantap Lahiri entry: change “Ebay” to “eBay”.
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